A friend of mine once asked me what kind of person I was, how I’d describe myself. The phrase that popped into my head was “idealistic realist”. It seemed odd yet natural to combine those two together, considering that they’re usually at opposite ends of the spectrum.

I say I’m an idealistic realist because while I automatically expect the best of people and always give them the benefit of the doubt, I’m aware that not everyone chooses to be good all the time. Human beings act out their choices, and those choices will not always coincide with mine. I used to torture myself thinking about it, ask questions like “But why would he be so cruel or inconsiderate?” “How could she possibly do such a thing?” These days though, I don’t bother anymore. Why? Because regardless of how I feel, whatever I may say or do, other people will follow the paths they choose. My values/ideals differ from theirs, so of course our lifestyles can’t very well be similar. Or can they?

Ideally, the world would be a perfect place. We would all look out for each other and exist in harmony, safe in the knowledge that everyone has his/her neighbour’s best interests at heart and so would do nothing to jeopardise the delicate balance of perfection.

Reality, though, is a different story. You look out for you, I look out for me, and we all get ahead the best way we see fit. To do otherwise is to risk criticism, being used, abuse, neglect. To actually live your life trying to adhere to your ideals can go one of two ways: you’re either admired or mocked. Whichever way it is, people still try to take advantage of you whenever possible. Goodwill seems restricted to certain circles: a family unit, a group of friends, a particular network. We’re only prepared to be good to others if they in turn can be good to us. That’s not right. It shouldn’t be that way. You can give without expecting an exchange.

I don’t know, though. I don’t know how well I’m getting my point across, if I’m actually making a point or just rambling. I just think that life could be so much simpler than it is. I think that interpersonal interactions shouldn’t be ruled by power plays and mind games. I think it’s sad that as we grow older, we lose the innocence and idealism of youth because the world forces us to do so. We become jaded, and the lines between right and wrong blur. We’re introduced to the “grey” areas that exist between black and white, and we find that in the real world, there is no place for starry-eyed ideals. I wish it could be different. But hey, that’s just me.

Hey, cyberspace. So, today’s all about standing your ground once you’ve made your mind up about something. You know, when it’s clear that you need to take your own stand in a situation that seems beyond your control but really isn’t. You can choose to stick around and agonise over whatever it is, or you can choose to shrug it off and let it be. Similar to letting go, yet different in its own way.

At some point you have to ask yourself, “Is it worth it fighting to regain what you’ve lost if you’re the only one fighting?” In other words, if you’re the only one who perceives a loss, chances are you’re also the only one bothered by it, and so you’re just working yourself up for nothing. I think you’ll find such circumstances fruitless exercises, no? I mean, why set yourself up for inevitable disappointments, right? “Because you care”? “Because it matters”? Sure it does, but no else sees it that way. Just you. You may not be able to control your emotions, but you can definitely control your actions.

So you can decide to wallow in misery and discontent while curled up in the foetal position, or to stand tall and spare yourself the hassle. Your call. Which’ll it be?

How often do people deliver on the things they promise others? “I’ll call you right back, I’m in a meeting/in traffic/at work/whatever else.” “Don’t worry; I’m here for you anytime you need me.” “Call me if you need anything.” Have these, and countless others, become automatic responses just so one can get out of talking to someone at that point in time without any argument from the other party? Do they hold any real meaning in today’s world where it seems like everybody’s rushing to do something ALL the time and no one can stop for just a second? Have we all become so busy that we constantly forget to keep our word and return that call, give that support, go that extra mile? Everyone loves to receive, but how many of us really give back? What’s wrong here? Is it me? Is it you? Is it us?

I ask because I notice these things, experience them, witness them. I’ve been guilty of not following through too, but I try to make it right when I can. I just wonder if people really care as much as they say they do. Maybe there’s some sort of hierarchy and if you’re not high enough, you don’t warrant much attention. In other words, you’re not that important. Ouch, right?

The potential mutual exclusivity of words and actions. Don’t say it if you don’t mean it or won’t do it. Yes one can forget, but how many times can one trot out that excuse? Nobody’s memory is that porous in the absence of an underlying medical condition. Talk is cheap, anyone can do that. Actions fill out your words; make them meaningful, powerful, worth something. Otherwise, the words are just empty, flat, meaningless.

Make your words count. Let your actions speak for you. Be reliable. It makes all the difference.

Hello, darlings. Did anyone miss me? I’ve missed you, cyberspace, sorry for the recent neglect. I’ll try to do better than one post a month, really I will!

Anyway, today I’m here to marvel at the 20/20 clarity of hindsight. Sometimes you can’t really figure out life’s confusing happenings sans its benefits. You know, if only you’d known this you’d’ve have done that and not the other thing you did. Stuff like that. The really cool thing is that hindsight can prepare you for the future if you let it. In my case, the prevention of making the same mistakes over and over again. When you recognise a problem’s pattern, you can nip it in the bud. Feels nice to see a train wreck coming and nimbly skip out of the way.

Is my train of thought confusing? Are my sentences rambling and grammatically incorrect? Does it even matter? Shrug, I don’t care really. Well I do, but it doesn’t bother me right now. I just feel blesssed to know that it’s possible to identify bullshit and not have to take it from anyone. It’s liberating to see through the smoke, cut to the chase and get down to business without lying or false pretence. 

Damn but I hate liars and pretenders. I mean really, why bother trying to be something you’re obviously not? So pathetic. The truth always comes out and it’s often not pretty if you’ve been set up without your knowledge. The beauty of it all, however, is recognising a set-up and walking away unscathed. That’s my message for today. It’s not ground-breaking or revolutionary, but it’s good to know anyway.

If your gut whispers that something’s not right about a situation, listen to it. Your first gut instinct is never wrong. Don’t wait to learn it the hard way, and don’t feel bad if you did. Maybe if it wasn’t rough enough, it wouldn’t leave a lasting impression sufficient to warn you off similar shady situations ahead. Life can be brutal, but at least one can learn to avoid unnecessary tears and bloodshed once you’re clued in to your inner warning device. Nifty, innit?

Hmmm, I feel the fever catching. Blog fever, that is. I can stay up all night and blame it on my new hobby later. Who needs sleep when you can bug the world and there ain’t nothing anyone can do about it? Short of decommissioning your account, of course.

Anyhoo, I’ve been pondering things lately. Not lately actually, more like I’ve always wondered why certain patterns repeat themselves when it comes to relationships between the sexes. Yes, this will be one of those blogs that focuses on love, sex, fidelity, and all the other touchy-feely things that columnists and talk shows and chick lit. books/movies have done to death. Why? Because there’s always fodder for thought, always more material to fuel the fire. And just when you think you’ve heard it all, you get an earful (or eyeful, as the case may be) that makes you go “Say what now?!” I don’t have all the answers but it’d be jolly great if I did. Less heartache and all that guff. Continue reading →

Finally. My very own blog. Naming my address was a nightmare. Everything I thought of had been taken. I broke a nail, freshly painted 2 hours earlier mind, trying to outsmart the billions out there who had taken up all the good monikers when blogspot was still fresh. Served me right for wanting to sound exotic, Italian if you want to be specific. Ah well, such is life. This won’t be the first time you see me say that so brace yourself if you plan to visit me often. Anyway, in a fit of desperation I joined 3 words together and voila!, I had a blog. Go me.

So what do I have to say that hasn’t already been better said in innumerably different ways? Quite frankly, I have no idea. I just feel like I have somethingto share, you know? Besides, now I can ramble to my heart’s content, which really is the beauty of it all to me. I mean, I get a public forum to air my endless thoughtstream and indulge in asking all sorts of questions? Awesome doesn’t begin to cover it. Stay tuned, people.