Was I wrong to try, to believe? Was it folly to think we could ever be? I sit here and wonder if I’m the only one wanting what could, what should have been. We were fated for each other! Well, that’s what I thought for many years. Looks like I was wrong about that too. *Shrug* So what else is new?
I tell myself I’m not waiting anymore, try to accept that it’s time to move on and forget you, but I can’t do it. I just can’t. You’re always there. It doesn’t matter where I run or how hard I try to ignore it. You are right there under my skin: waiting, biding your time, safe in the knowledge that I can’t escape you. Or can I?
It’s just so frustrating not knowing how you really feel. I can only ask so many times, I mean it’s not like I ever get a clear answer or feel any better. Maybe it amuses you to treat me like a plaything, I don’t know. We’ve become strangers to one another and I’m struggling to adjust. How’d that even happen, anyway?
I ache for you. I long for you. But you’re poison in my system and I must, I must be free from this longing. I must be free of this pain. It would be easier if I could hate you but I can’t even do that. I can only love you from afar. That’s not enough anymore. So, what now?
I have done my time. I am tired. There’s no point, no reason to nurse hope. You have made your choice, now I must make mine. Once again, I’ll try to say goodbye. I’ll try to live as though a part of me isn’t missing, as if the void within doesn’t exist.
Anyway. My struggle continues. I don’t expect you to notice or care that I’m gone, don’t even expect you to want me. That time is past. Pity, really.