I want to know that I lived. That I was brave enough to love hard and strong, unabashedly and unreservedly. I want to know that I went with my gut & was free to dream, to hope, to reach for the stars.
I want to know that I found my talent and drew it forth, that my well of potential did not go untapped. I want to live every minute, every second, safe only in the ability to wring every last drop of bliss available in each moment.
I want to know that I chased after greatness and waited for nothing to come to me. I want to know that I gave myself every opportunity, every chance to be me, to be myself. I want to live in the moment, here and now, unhampered by the past & not crippled by expectations of the future.
I want to know that every breath, every moment, was treasured and appreciated. I want to know that I can laugh at myself and forgive my mistakes; that I can work over a situation and be done with it for good and not continuously obsess over what went wrong or why it did.
I want to know that I listened to my heart and went where it took me, unafraid of what people think or what they would say. I want to know that I am ALIVE, that I am living for me and not putting myself in situations that would later make me ask ‘What if?’
What if I had taken that chance? What if I had dated that guy, bought that dress, gone to that party? I want to know that I live a life free of ‘what-ifs’.
It’s easy to spend so much time planning & wishing that one actually does very little “doing”; every moment accounted for, every time frame carrying its own set of expectations.
It’s not so easy, though, to have a general plan and leave the specifics up to fate. It’s not so easy to discover them along the way as opposed to map them out right from the start. It’s even harder to stop oneself from wanting to know all the answers NOW, to be content with getting a few at a time and not pushing for everything at once.
I want to know that I was patient with myself, that I accepted the importance of moving forward with feasible steps, that I didn’t try to achieve everything all at once and end up with nothing at all.
I want to know that I can be gentle with myself. I want to be free. I want to give myself permission to be. Me. True to my spirit and in tune with my soul.