“Why am I doing this? Why do I want that? What will happen if I don’t do that?”
I’m a bit late because this is last week’s question (ahem), but anyway here it is:
To tell the truth, I think a part of me was resisting writing this post.
Because the question went straight for my solar plexus. Because it smacked me upside the head and said “Otiti, you HAVE to stop doing this!”, then gathered me in for a hug and promised it would be OK. Notice how long it’s taking me to say what dang boat I’m burning?
(Inhale). Here goes.
I’m burning the boat of needing. I’m burning the boat of need. I’m turning into ash the concept that I need x to do y before I can be happy and/or fulfilled.
I need you to love me so I can validate my self-worth.
I need you to cut me some slack so I can feel better about myself.
I need to drop a dress size or two so I can feel really sexy.
I choose to love me as I am and know my self-worth is immeasurable.
I choose to show up and do the work. No excuses. No handicaps.
I choose to be foxy right now, dang it, because there’s no such thing as the perfect weight or figure for all women; there’s only the perfect weight for me.
Need is an insidious thing. It swallows your power and makes you dependent on external factors + influences to be on top of your game.
Ironically, it’s also a safe zone because you know exactly what you’ll get when you do certain things.
Only problem is, it’s never really enough, is it?
You’ll always need more. And more. And more.
Clutching need like a life raft ends today.
It ends here.
It ends now.
I need nothing.
I have everything.
What boat are you gonna burn?