Where I’ve Been and Where I’m Going

 

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I’ve been away for 3 1/2 months. 

You see, I have this thing where I want to be useful. If I feel like something has no value, I don’t post it and I don’t email it.

But what happens when I scrunch up tight because things don’t go EXACTLY how I plan them?

An unofficial hiatus, that’s what.

See, I know I have to be consistent, and I know I have to give my readers a reason to care enough to come back week after week. Heck, I’m embarrassed I haven’t written many more posts since I first started blogging 5 years ago.

How can I be sure I’m doing the right thing when feedback is sparse and I’m cringing from lack of engagement?

I know it’s a validation thing, but it’s still stuck in my craw. I want to be a focal point for my tribe, goddammit! What am I doing wrong?

Everything, it seems.

I have no barriers left. No thick skin to bluff my way through the pain. I KNOW commenters are like gold dust these days, and I KNOW depending on them is just an excuse not to write regularly, but really? Do I really know these things, or do I just think I know them? Am I making excuses for other people, or am I making excuses for myself?

At what point do you decide to ignore “vanity metrics” and just do the work you’re here to do?

When you decide you’ve had enough of second-guessing and you’re ready to do things your way.

Part of the stuckness came from not knowing what to write.

Did I want to continue taking a stand for those who suffer depression and anxiety?

Did I want to give advice to new entrepreneurs and share my stories from the trenches?

Did I want to write about self-love and the importance of taming negative self-talk?

WTF did I want to do?

It’s taken me 3 1/2 months to come up with the answer I’ve always known: I don’t want to write about anything I have to label. I just want to write about life seen through my lens.

I can admit that out loud now: I just want to write about life seen through my lens. [Continue reading]

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